Confidence is Killing You
Confidence. Ebbs and flows like taking a dive into the deep end of a pool, you know you can surface but you don’t know when & you wish you had stayed at the shallow end…
You can interpret a picture in a number of ways.
Though I’m guessing that you didn’t want people to see that you are drowning. You didn’t want anyone to see that behind the shadows of the pictures, the real you is yearning for more and you are sinking deeper into your own mind, feeling that your whole self is being slowly taken under and you’re starting to wonder if you’ll ever begin to see the light or catch your breath again.
Confidence is slipping further out of your grasp.
And you can sense that everyone knows it, you’ve stopped showing up online, offline. You sleep when everyone else is awake and you are awake when everyone else is asleep, although you feel like you are sleep walking through it all with eyes wide open. You don’t make it to see your friends, you start to build a wall around you and the only connection you have to the real world is the false reality of being online.
Confidence is a killer.
When you have none. When you’re whole life feels like one big disaster and that everything you touch lately turns to dust instead of gold. You’re wondering why on earth this has happened and you can’t see it, that light, that glimmer of hope that you always thought you had. You can’t feel anything other than blank. Nothing. There’s no feelings. They just don’t come.
You’re confidence has gone. You hate to look at yourself. You are getting older, you’re looks are starting to fade and the beautiful body you used to love and cherish is starting to look bloated, neglected, sore even.
The words in your head are a noise of constant punishment; “you know better than this, you’ve got this, you’re not giving up, what’s wrong with you, why can’t you just do something, why can’t you just cry and let it all out, why are you so stupid, why do you always have to ruin everything, why can’t you just be like….”
And there’s the rub..
…you can never be like anyone else. Because they are not you and you are not them. Your confidence is killing you because you are comparing yourself, judging yourself by another persons’ life, another existence that really isn’t yours to compare or be envious of.
Your confidence is killing you because you’ve forgotten how brave, strong and courageous you are. That you have pulled yourself out from the deep dark ocean before and that you have the strength to swim back to shore.
Your confidence is killing you because you’ve forgotten that you are needed and are being called.
Everything has a crack in it, that’s how the light gets in – Leonard Cohen
Rebuild your confidence.
You know you must and you know you will because you haven’t done what you came here to do. I know that it’s confusing right now, but I also know that you didn’t learn and experience everything in your life to not teach it to others. Rebuild your confidence through sharing your knowledge and trusting that if anyone has anything to say ‘about’ you, it’s really none of your business what anyone thinks of you.
You’re too young to be suffering. And you shouldn’t be suffering. It only takes a moment to change your thoughts. It only takes a moment to realise that you have something that the world needs, and believe me when I say this, someone somewhere is looking for you right now.
You don’t have to compare yourself to others out there. They aren’t you. They have never and can’t ever, step in any of the footprints that you’ve left behind. Your past does not define you. Instead your past and what you’ve gone through are the gift that you have. And those gifts are worth giving.
I feel your hunger.
Persistent, empty but full. A different kind of hunger that can only be met by feeling fulfilled, from being included, from being connected and a part of something. Belonging.
You do belong. You are on the outside looking in, but there are others on the outside too. They are there with you, championing you, allowing you to be you and reminding you of your true brilliance.
Confidence is killing you.
Because you’ve forgotten who you are.
I’m here to remind you that you are EVERYTHING and more.
And I, need you too.
Love Susan xx
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