It’s not your business what others’ think or say about you. The only business you have to worry about is your OWN (and the stories that you are telling yourself) – Susan Young
Last week I was talking about this constant paradox which we live in. And over the last 7 or 8 days I’ve been really noticing with myself and my clients, just how far across the scales we go, personally attacking ourselves (basically, self-abusing our own minds), it’s quite incredible how we talk to ourselves.
I’ve been asking my clients to watch themselves in the mirror as they talk. This is deliberate as when you see yourself as well as hearing yourself, you tend to pay more attention to what you are actually saying. It might sound a little bit strange (and I’m suggesting just speak your internal dialogue out to yourself in front of the mirror and see what happens) it’s quite fascinating. When you have those inner conversations outwardly, things start to shift.
It’s like looking in front of the mirror naked. Eventually, you stop seeing flaws and you actually start to see yourself. So speak to yourself and hear what you are saying, I’m willing to put a bet on that you will start to talk to yourself differently (and also, the conversations that you have with family, friends and colleagues will improve).
Now, when it comes to that internal dialogue and nonsense self-sabotage talk (which I also am quite guilty of) I want you to think about where the words are coming from. What do you really think & feel about yourself?
See, I have “Good Susan” on my right shoulder, she’s pretty cute and says lots of inspiring, nice things all of the time, she’s the one that keeps “Bad Susan” on the left shoulder, that inner bitch and critic at bay some of the time, not all of the time, the two of them seem to fight like cat and dog. And it’s the one on the left that I am constantly fighting, it’s like it’s really easy to be bad and super difficult to be good… why the hell is that?
Well, it comes down to our belief systems. Those old records that keep playing when something triggers the needle to hit the groove as the record spins… and around and around this record goes, playing the same old tune.
When you hear that record playing what do you do? Do you hear it and notice it (which is why talking in the mirror is a good thing to do) or do you ignore it and continue your self-abuse about “how things aren’t possible, or I’m not good enough, or I can’t because everyone else already has, or I don’t have what I need blah blah blah blah”. You need to dig a little deeper and figure out what the record is actually playing and make a CHOICE to stop listening. You can simply say, “I hear you, but I’m not listening today” and change your thoughts. It’s really as simple as that (not easy, but simple).
On the weekend I ran a workshop “how to build a brand & business online” and during the break I “pretended” to be doing something, but I was listening to the conversations in the room. Lots of inspiring chat, but lots of negative “I can’t do this because of X” – in fact there were so many objections that I decided to write them up on the board so that I could talk through each and everyone one of them. I got a little bit “bossy”, in fact one of the participants said to me, “I love how you confront people” – I do this because what I am hearing is just fucking bullshit, talking ourselves out of greatness because of what? Fear? Success? Doing something that you’ve never done before?
I’m not saying that I don’t do it. But as I said last week, I sit on the edge of fear almost every single day. And I fall in and get on with it. Because if “Bad Susan” kept telling me it was a “bad idea” I wouldn’t have a business now would I?
Get out of your own way. It’s worth it.
Love Susan xx
P.S Here’s the list of things I wrote on the board and we overcame every objection!
Been done before
Copy my ideas
I am not good enough
I don’t have enough time
What if people don’t like it
I can’t do sales
I don’t know how to position myself
I don’t have a niche